Should I slap this man? Should I freaking slap him?

“Are you with me?”

“I’m with you Deacon, what kind of expensive prank is this? If I had known it was you, I wouldn’t have made out time for this. Why would you be so irrational in thinki…”

“Watch your words Salom!”

“Don’t you dare Salom me”

He could feel my anger at this point.

“I can’t hide my feelings for you Salome, I can’t pretend”.  (He said in a rather calm tone), “Whenever I see you in church singing, the way your hips sway in your skirt, I can swear that even the heavens feel seduced by your beauty”… he licked his lower lip with his tongue leaving thereon some spittle, rubbed his hands on his chest and continued “ I want you to be close to me, I knew it would be hard to speak with you, that’s why I created that account just to chat with you, I am for real, I’ll give you anything you want, anything baby”

I was sure I had had enough, I walked out of the dark room and headed straight home. No doubt, it’s been a very useless day. With so many thoughts running through my mind, it wasn’t long before I found myself sitting at Berger Bus Stop feeling very angry. Why won’t married men leave me alone so the single ones can find me?

I must have been lost in thoughts when I realised Steve standing before me

“I’ve been calling you Salome” he said.

Steve’s been my long time friend; always been there for me, has excess love for me but he’s not just my kind. I looked at him & began to imagine if he was cute, maybe I’d give him a chance.

He let out his right hand to me to pull me up.

Despite all that was going through my mind, I unconsciously smirked. Steve is really short though. Sometimes I wonder why God would breathe into such a thing and leave him to roam about the earth disturbing fine girls like me. Imagine a man in his early thirties already has protruding stomach, very dark, full and thick lips, funny eyebrows, his nose, my God, my whole hand may fit into his nostrils; it looks like a trumpet, then imagine a man with bow hands – not bow legs o, bow hands, haba! No matter the love, Salome cannot end up with a man like this now. You won’t even understand his hair. It’s contemplating baldness. Then the shape of his face, it’s indescribable; not round, not spherical; it looks like an emoji; a sad emoji.

Despite his ugliness, he dresses well, even though it only makes him look very funny. OMG, I’m forgetting that his hands are stretched out, doesn’t he feel pains? I stretched out my hand to have him help me up.

“Salome” he said again, “You’ve been running away from me”, he said as he hit his small hand on his small chest

I looked at him with a grin. “He thinks so highly of himself!”

“Let’s go into my car so I can drive you home; you must be tired after church… church girl” he said with a smile, letting out his big beige teeth

“You have a car?” I asked, unable to conceal my shock

“Yes now, this is my second car. You’ve not been talking to me, but I won’t let you slip off my hands this time, you know you’re my wife”

Hmm… slip off whose hands, I wondered!  Does life compensate ugly people with success? Steve looks more successful but his ugliness glows. Salome!

I sat at the front seat of his Prado Jeep as he drove. The coolness in the car wouldn’t let me remember that he’s even ugly. I was amazed at how quickly this guy pulled up from poverty into a life of obvious affluence. Suddenly, Steve parked at the service lane and started fondling my hands.

“Stop touching my hand” I said with obvious disgust

“Salome” he whispered with a smile as a drop of saliva forcefully ejected itself from his big thick dark lips and found its way to my arm.

How the hell will I clean this saliva? This guy should be careful. As I looked around to get wipes for my hand, I heard a sound like that of “Facebook like button” “TUKUM!!!” on my cheeks, oh! Steve kissed my precious cheeks. I landed him a big slap on his right cheek and added one more on the left as I cleaned my arm on his car seat. “Why are you so foolish?” I asked him


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